When Others Bring Out the Devil in You
by Leslie Fischman
Avoid temptation at all costs. This requires being able to differentiate need from necessity, and want from required to feel whole. What is it that causes you to behave in a way that you’re not proud of? Identify those triggers, and set boundaries for yourself and for those around you. Much about life requires communication, communication to express our needs and wants, professionally, socially, and romantically. It’s easy to get these things confused with one another during the process of communicating with one another. Friends are friends, lovers are lovers, and professional associations and communications should all be dealt with differently to ensure no miscommunication of needs and wants. Work is not for friendship, and your lovers are not for venting and negativity. This leaves much of your communication needs for balance to your friends, who are the ones you should confide in, not work or romantic relationships. -So how does the devil come into play? The Devil is your ego, the one that causes you to lash out at others, fall in love with the wrong people, drink or use drugs, or behave inappropriately. If you are someone who is emotional, overt behavior is caused by expressing yourself beyond the bounds of what is considered normal. Knowing that, know your limits with people, do not connect closely with those you do not wish to have extended relationships with, do not connect with those where the type of relationship gets skewed or crosses over to another kind of relationship making it therefore an inappropriate relationship. You choose who you bond with, it’s not required you bond with anyone you are not comfortable bonding with. Trust is required for any bond, trust that boundaries will be maintained, and trust that the relationship existing is not considered to be anything more than what it is. So don’t let the Devil convince you otherwise that there’s sonething more than what is, fall in love with the wrong people, know your limits. It’s easier when in a relationship bonded to avoid these situations, more likely to occur when single unattached to be courted by others and people to seek bonds with you. Everything in life needs balance. It’s your responsibility to maintain balance of communication in all relationships, not allow one to affect the other. Trust your instincts, ignore negative voices (Devil), and most of all be yourself and everything should fall into place both personally and professionally. The best way to deal with any conflict is to not respond at all, not waste your time explaining yourself to people who assume the worst to cause you to self-sabatoge to prove them right about you, be yourself don’t let negative voices cause you to question yourself, become paranoid, or cause you to behave in a way that does not reflect you in the positive, but causes you to act out of character appear mentally ill. Just ignore them.
Take it easy on yourselves. You only have one life to live. At least you have your friends, family, co-workers, and gym buddies -where would we be without a little comradere in life. Getting fit is the first step toward self-love, to look good, feel good, and be on the outside as loveable as we feel on the inside. Sometimes our appearances don’t match how we feel, and that’s okay. So long as you continue to set goals for yourself, challenge yourself day in and day out to be the best version of yourself you can be, you’ll be well on your way to happiness, living a life enjoyed not loathed, enthusiastic not depressed, positive not moody, and feel loved not repressed in self-hate. Remind yourself this is your life, no one else’s, how you live is a direct reflection of yourself, how much you care, and your self-worth. Be who you want to be around, someone you love as much as your significant other. Always rising to the occassion, on time, present, and aware of others, not locked in your own world. Life is a process, trust those around you, and take it one step at a time without backtracking or hesitation. Never give up on yourself, and others, be there for those you love and well enough to enjoy lifes blessings, appreciative. Life’s best lived present.
When you’re on your own, and not socializing, you hear a lot of voices, sometimes negative, either about yourself or others, it can drive you insane. Any negativity, unless you’ve got the stomach for it is annoying, at least when you’re depressed and trying to stay positive about yourself and others. In order to have a positive attitude you need to achieve, and in order to stay positive you need not worry what others think, think your own thoughts not theirs. That doesn’t mean only worry about yourself, not others, in fact putting the needs of others before your own is helpful when you’re going through a difficult time, to concentrate less on yourself & your problems & be more in active productive, helping others is simply one way of being productive that translates to feeling better about yourself and others, less worried about what others think about you or in general. Always concentrate on your own thoughts, if negative from where do those voices come from and why, to what issues trigger those replies you hear in your head, if negative ask yourself why & deal with those feelings piecemeal, one at a time until you find a strategy for overcoming that feeling & the corresponding emotion or voices that follow. Always be in control of your mind, know your body, how it responds, and what you need to do self care wise to maintain stability so that negativity does not overpower you cause you to self harm. Love you first, loving yourself means staying proactive & disciplined when it comes to self care, the less you care about yourself the less others will care about you. Always rise above, in your head not others, on your path not question another’s, live your dream not another’s, think your thoughts not what others think, and most of all care always for others and yourself, the more accepting you are of others the easier it will be to challenge, overcome, & not be easily affected by any voices including ones produced on your own.
When you experience any type of loss in life, its devastating. I’ve lost every Man I’ve loved to other Women or ideas of perfection & beauty, undervalued not appreciated, treated as not good enough. That type of loss, is a loss of self, self esteem, and confidence. There’s a difference between between that kind of loss, superficial and the loss of a person or life of a loved one. Do not confuse the two, there’s a big difference. No matter how much loss I’ve endured in life, I’ve been taught to always see the positive & be appreciative of what I do have in life. People cannot be replaced, clothes, boyfriends and anything else superficial can be replaced, no loss so grave as worthy of causing a loss of self, or esteem so grave ad to cause loss of confidence resulting in hardship & failure deemed permanent. If it could lift you up, you can lift yourself up, if it supported you, you can support yourself, if it gave you shelter from negativity, you can shelter yourself from negativity. No loss should result in loss of control of self. You are always able to rebuild yourself if you try, focus on people not things, and value one another’s worth, not devalue one another for superficial means that you should already be able to provide for yourself.
When you’re off on your own, it’s easy to get discouraged, and lose faith. Always keep yourself busy. We lose faith in ourselves and others usually when we are not confident, not disciplined, needy, and feeling less than or not good enough. Part of finding confidence and stability requires you to be okay on your own and fearless. Afterall it’s easier to be around someone who is stable rather than someone who is tripping. Usually unstable people are viewed as being problematic or risky, and quickly disassociated from, that’s normal, that’s business. People who are caretakers tend to be more empathic & understanding, not concerned with image and risk, more concerned with helping others, strengthening those around them. So when you’re down be understanding that not everyone is going to be willing to help you, and that’s okay, some people are not going to be there for you and that’s okay too. Don’t take anything in life too personally, just always do your best to be thankful & grateful for those that do help you get back to normal.
Don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re not worth it in life. Your value should not be based on love & acceptance from others but by what you accomplish professionally. At the end of the day all you have is yourself & your career. The only people who should matter in the event of a social or romantic catastrophe should be your employers, after all they hired you & believed in you, so don’t let them down. Remember always family comes first. Whether you agree with them or not you should always accept them, their shared opinions of you, and always do your best everyday to be the best version of yourself. In adulthood there is no room for error, & you must live with the consequences of the mistakes you make in life and/or poor decision making. There is always room for improvement, no matter how difficult life can get, your first step forward always begins with acceptance, acceptance of self and others is always required to clear your mind, move forward, & not allow the past to hinder your future successes in life. One step at a time.
How to Overcome Mental Illness:
You can wonder all your life, what could’ve been or you can start living your life right now. For a long time Ive struggled with mental illness, Ive even attempted suicide and been hospitalized on multiple occassions, on 5150 holds for harm to self (swallowed a bottle of kolonopin and cut my wrist). People come and go from your life it may have nothing to do with you. Let them go. There is so much left for you to live for in life, its not about what you have in life its about what you make of yourself with what you do have in your life. You shouldnt need people in your life in order to achieve, feel whole, or apart of. There are plenty of ways to integrate yourself in society on a professional level, other than socializing by going out drinking & doing drugs. Why social media is a great outlet for people trying to stay sober & not isolate, besides going to meetings with other alcoholics. You become who you surround yourself with. Online that can be anyone, there are so many professionals online to be exposed to, learn from, and grow with. Your friends will always be there for you when well, have faith that when you do find yourself professionally that either they or new friends will come into your life once you put yourself out there again, sharing your life & experiences, with careful thought not impulsive in the moment problem solving in the thick of it -is when you’re most likely to be misunderstood -others stand off ish. The most well adjusted become the most successful, why because their balanced demeanor translates to their work ethic and ability to produce and get their work done necessary to achieve professionally. -Stop living in the past -or worrying about what other people think of you. People only know what you tell them & from what you tell them judgment is past. Stop hearing judgments, and instead hear yourself. Stop listening to what other people think, and instead hear yourself. Write until all you hear is yourself. Write until all you hear is positive, and read until you become again who you are not what other people think or say, and let your work speak for itself.